Friends: 20 Best Phoebe Buffay Quotes

Summary

• Phoebe Buffay’s witty sarcasm and quirky humor make her one of the funniest characters on Friends.
• Phoebe’s iconic one-liners and unique beliefs keep the audience laughing throughout the show’s ten seasons.
• Lisa Kudrow’s quick delivery and facial expressions add to Phoebe’s charm, making her a fan favorite character.

When listening to Phoebe Buffay quotes on Friends, it’s difficult to describe her because she can be dim-witted one moment and wise the next. However, the one thing that always defined her was her frankness, which is a running gag on the show. Played by Lisa Kudrow, Phoebe constantly brought laughs with her sarcastic statements, weird songs, and all kinds of interesting beliefs throughout the show’s ten seasons. While Phoebe had countless iconic scenes, some stood out more than others.

Phoebe Buffay proved to be one of the show’s biggest assets, as her quirky and unpredictable character always shook things up on the show. From singing “Smelly Cat” at Central Perk to her alter egos like Regina Phalange and her quick one-liners, the gang never knew what Phoebe would do next. Not only were her daily stories full of comedy moments, but Lisa Kudrow’s quick delivery in terms of her lines and facial expressions helped her become one of the funniest characters on Friends.

20 “I Asked For The News, Not The Weather.”

Season 3, Episode 3: “The One With The Jam”

While Chandler was the most sarcastic character on the show, Phoebe certainly challenged him for the title. There were many times when Phoebe Buffay’s shady burns were just as sharp and witty as anything that Chandler ever said. A perfect example of this was in “The One With The Jam” when Phoebe talked to Joey, and some of the crumbs from his bread got all over her when he tried talking back.

While Phoebe tries to be polite and not hurt her friends’ feelings, her quick and witty delivery makes this scene memorable, showing that she has a mean streak deep down. It was also a great example of how these friends could regularly deliver sharp insults to each other, mostly out of love but with just enough bite to let them know they weren’t messing around. Phoebe and Joey are close, so she has no problem slicing with this great quote.

19 Hello. This Is The Pigeon From The Balcony Calling To Apologize.”

Season 9, Episode 18: “The One With The Lottery”

“I Shouldn’t Have Knocked The Tickets Out Of The Pretty Lady’s Hand. It Was All My Fault, Not Hers. Bye. Coo.”

When the plots in Friends involved stressful or dramatic situations, Phoebe was a great way of providing comic relief. This Phoebe Buffay quote particularly proved the case in “The One With The Lottery” when the gang decides to buy a bunch of lottery tickets as the jackpot is worth $300 million. However, just before they can split the tickets evenly, Phoebe accidentally drops them onto the street because she is startled by a pigeon.

The gang had every right to be angry at her since they all spent a lot of money on the tickets. However, in typical Phoebe fashion, no one can remain angry at her since she always comes up with the best and most creative apologies. In this case, the gang couldn’t help but laugh when Phoebe pretends to be the pigeon, as it is so random (but unique). What makes it even better is how Lisa Kudrow manages to keep a straight and serious face as if it were genuine.

18 “If You Want To Receive Emails About My Upcoming Shows, Then Please Give Me Money So I Can Buy A Computer.”

Season 6, Episode 3: “The One With Ross’ Denial”

While not everything in Friends holds up today compared to when the show was at its height of popularity, one thing remains very funny — Phoebe’s Central Perk musical performances. Not only do these scenes let Phoebe sing some of her best and most creative songs, but the brief intermissions where she often asks for donations for her performances feature some iconic moments with some of her best quotes.

A prime example of this is in “The One With Ross’ Denial,” when Phoebe finishes her song and announces her upcoming performances. However, instead of revealing the dates, she says they need to give her money if they want emails with the dates. She explained that this would help her afford to buy a computer to send out emails. While this is a bold and audacious comment, Phoebe manages to get away with it since this best matches her personality.

17 “Well, You Know I May Have Relatives In France Who Would Know. My Grandmother Said She Got The Recipe From Her Grandmother, ‘Nestley Toulouse’.”

Season 7, Episode 3: “The One With Phoebe’s Cookies”

One of the many qualities the fans loved about Phoebe was her relationship with her grandmother. Most fans already know that Phoebe’s grandmother often lied to protect her. While some of the lies were completely unfair, others were quite hilarious, as evidenced in “The One With Phoebe’s Cookies.” Throughout the entire episode, Monica and Phoebe worked hard to remember Phoebe’s grandmother’s recipe, baking numerous trays of cookies to no avail.

So when Phoebe informed Monica that the family had gotten it from a relative from France called “Nestley Toulouse,” the gag hit its punchline. Of course, this referenced the cookie company, “Nestle Toll House.” The fact that Phoebe delivers the line with such innocence and tries to keep the charade going, even as Monica learns the truth and understands that the grandmother’s cookies were all store-bought, made this easily one of the best Phoebe Buffay quotes.

16 “Oh My God, A Woman Flirting With A Single Man? We Must Alert The Church Elders!”

Season 8, Episode 21: “The One With The Cooking Class”

Phoebe’s brutal honesty was also another quality her friends often reluctantly admired. She would always try her best to ground them if they were being irrational or making impulsive decisions. This was certainly highlighted when she intervened in Ross and Rachel’s relationship. They always got jealous of one another, and Phoebe was the one who had to talk them around the problems and let them see how ridiculous their concerns often were.

While she often gave them wise advice, there were other times when Phoebe used her sarcastic wit to show them how ridiculous they were. This response from “The One With The Cooking Class” was definitely one of the more memorable ones, as she called Rachel out for believing Ross was doing something wrong when he wasn’t. It also allows Phoebe to deliver the line so that it is impossible for Rachel to continue to take her concerns seriously, making it a perfect one-liner.

15 “Come On, Ross, You’re A Paleontologist. Dig A Little Deeper.”

Season 6, Episode 23: “The One With The Ring”

Ross’s job has often been the butt of the joke among the six friends. They’ve all made fun of him for telling them boring museum stories, lecturing them about science, and talking to them like a paleontologist, especially since none of them understand what he is talking about or even care in most cases. In “The One with the Ring,” Ross can’t figure out why Chandler could possibly be angry at him, prompting Phoebe to offer some advice while poking fun at his profession.

Phoebe and Ross have always had fascinating and hilarious interactions. In this case, Phoebe played mind games with Ross by attempting to speak his language. It was also just another case of the gang making light of Ross’s intellectual career and the fact that, despite his scientific background and high intelligence, he often misses things staring at him right in the face. Phoebe uses this against him here to let him see that he is being obtuse and needs to think about things a little harder.

14 “You’ll See. You’ll All See.”

Season 6, Episode 20: “The One With Mac And C.H.E.E.S.E.”

Phoebe is always a helpful friend, so she has no problem rehearsing lines with Joey, and this happens in the episode “The One With Mac And C.H.E.E.S.E.” However, instead of helping him prepare, she believes she’s a top actor herself, claiming she could make it in the industry despite Joey’s reluctance. As Joey then leaves Phoebe to try it, she belts out this iconic line as if she’s a major villain, hoping to put fear into everyone around her.

She even points her finger around when she says it menacingly, but that is when she notices Joey has left, and nobody is actually there. With her standing there alone after delivering the menacing line, she decides to have some fun with it and turns it into a little dance number instead, which makes it even funnier. It is moments like this that help Phoebe become more relatable as a character and someone who doesn’t mind making fun of herself.

13 “Your Collective Dating Record Reads Like A Who’s Who Of Human Crap!”

Season 8, Episode 18: “The One In Massapequa”

Phoebe is not one to mince words. That much was clear from the very first episode. She’s always been honest with herself and her friends, which is one of the qualities her friends mostly admire about her, although she has sometimes been known to go a little too far with her brutal honesty. Luckily, this brutal honesty also gives viewers countless funny Phoebe Buffay quotes that live on forever.

This includes her calling out her friends for mocking her new boyfriend by saying this quote in “The One in Massapequa.” She even lists some examples: Janice (Chandler’s frequent love interest), Mona (Ross’s ex-girlfriend), and Tag (Rachel’s assistant-turned-boyfriend). She wasn’t wrong, either; everyone on Friends dated some pretty lousy people during their time on the show. It was a great quote that let everyone know that insulting her choices of boyfriends was very hypocritical.

12 “My Eyes, My Eyes!”

Season 5, Episode 14: “The One Where Everybody Finds Out”

Chandler and Monica’s relationship brought many great moments to the show. One of those moments was Phoebe’s hilarious reaction when she first saw them together as a couple in “The One Where Everybody Finds Out.” She was across the street from them, in Ross’ apartment with Rachel, when she turned to look out the window and saw Chandler and Monica making out in Monica’s apartment. This was the first time any of the friends realized anything was happening between the two.

Because she knew nothing about it, Phoebe couldn’t even bring herself to form proper sentences. Instead, she just screams “Chandler and Monica” repeatedly before repeating this line (“My Eyes“) over and over again, bringing Rachel over to see what is going on. It’s an absolutely hilarious reaction and an amazing moment. It was the perfect way for the gang to find out about Chandler and Monica, and this Phoebe Buffay quote hammers that point home.

11 “Something Is Wrong With The Left Phalange.”

Season 10, Episode 18: “The Last One, Part 2”

Throughout the show, Phoebe Buffay often uses her alter ego, Regina Phalange. Fans hear it in “The One with Ross’s Wedding” when she introduces herself as Ross’s doctor, Dr. Regina Phalange, and in “The One Where Joey Speaks French” when she introduces herself as Régine Phalange. The final reference to her alter ego comes in the very last episode, when she attempts to get Rachel off the plane, so that Ross can reach her before she leaves by using this memorable quote.

This was when Phoebe and Ross were racing to the airport to catch Rachel before she left. When Phoebe says this quote to Rachel on the phone, the guy in the seat next to her freaks out because he thinks a Phalange is part of the plane, and it forces everyone to exit the plane, allowing Ross and Rachel to get back together. Phalanges are the bones that make up the fingers of the hand and the toes of the foot, but thanks to Phoebe, the term is now associated with planes.

10 “Flame Boy.”

Season 1, Episode 22: “The One With The Fake Monica”

Phoebe has always been quite an eccentric and unique individual, and in the early seasons, Friends really showed that with how she was written. A perfect example is when Joey thinks about changing his acting name to something else in “The One with the Fake Monica.” He is discussing ideas with the group and randomly asks Phoebe for a name, to which she instantly comes out with the moniker “Flame Boy.”

The confidence with which she says it really made the moment, as she clearly believes it’s a perfect name. This is also a fun way to show that she really doesn’t get it most of the time. Obviously, Joey wanted to come up with a name to use in his credits, which is a real name but not his real name. However, for Phoebe, it was about finding a fun pseudonym that clearly wouldn’t fly when posting the credits of any movie or TV show in which Joey won a role. For her, however, it was perfect.

9 “Pick Up The Sock!”

Season 9, Episode 5; “The One With Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner”

The Season 9 episode “The One with Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner” has several hilarious moments – from Ross’s sarcastic story to Phoebe’s overly courteous interaction with the stuck-up waiter at the fancy restaurant. But the most memorable line from this episode is probably Phoebe screaming at the top of her lungs in the middle of the restaurant: “Pick up the sock!”

This moment is built throughout the episode as Joey and Phoebe wait for everyone to arrive at the restaurant. However, different things delay their arrival (from Monica and Chandler fighting to Ross and Rachel getting locked out of their apartment). When they finally show up at the restaurant, Joey and Phoebe are starving, and Phoebe is more than a bit on edge. When she could no longer take any of it, she just let it all out when Emma’s sock fell to the floor, and Rachel interrupted the toast.

8 “Ross Can!”

Season 8, Episode 10: “The One With Monica’s Boots”

When Phoebe learns that Ross’ son, Ben, is in the same class as the son of the legendary singer Sting, she tries to get free tickets to his concert in the episode “The One with Monica’s Boots.” While this also ends up with Sting putting a restraining order against her, it does lead to a funny line. Phoebe hilariously sings “Ross can” at him to the tune of Sting’s band The Police’s song, “Roxanne,” and keeps doing it repeatedly until Ross eventually caves and tries his best.

This line gets fed back later in the episode when Ross finally does secure tickets, making it even funnier because clearly, Ross “can” get the tickets that she wanted so badly throughout the episode. This is another moment where Phoebe uses her character’s love of singing to deliver great lines that stick out in fans’ memories over a decade after the popular sitcom went off the air.

7 “That Is Brand-New Information!”

Season 8, Episode 3: “The One Where Rachel Tells…”

In the season 8 episode “The One Where Rachel Tells…,” Rachel finally tells Ross that she’s having his baby. Of course, everyone else already knew because Rachel was terrible at keeping secrets, but they all had to pretend not to so that Ross wouldn’t think he was the last one to find out. When Ross breaks the “news” to Phoebe and Joey about the baby on the way, they try to act surprised, and Phoebe yells out this line.

Phoebe said this to show that she was, in fact, surprised at the news, but she was completely unable to make it sound sincere in the least. This wasn’t her fault, since this is Phoebe, but her fake bewilderment comes off as sarcastic, and Ross isn’t fooled in the slightest. This unforgettable moment was immortalized in memes and gifs, which people have regularly used to feign surprise, and it remains one of the most memorable of the best Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends.

6 “Who’s Singing?”

Season 3, Episode 7: “The One With The Race Car Bed”

This isn’t a line that fans hear Phoebe say out loud, but rather, a Phoebe Buffay quote she quite literally says in her head in the episode “The One With the Race Car Bed.” The entire scene shows each character’s inner monologs being spoken aloud as they react to Ross telling a story about work. The entire purpose of this is to show what people are thinking as Ross tells another of his boring stories that no one cares about and many of the things they are thinking have nothing to do with Ross.

Eventually, it pans around to Joey, who is paying no attention and just singing a song in his head. However, the punchline is hilarious here because, even though these are inner thoughts, it seems Phoebe can hear Joey’s thoughts because when it gets around to her, she asks, “Who’s singing?” It’s hilarious as even Phoebe’s inner thoughts are quirky and unique, seemingly being able to hear other people’s thoughts and knowing someone, somewhere, is singing in their minds.

5 “Oh, You Like That? You Should Hear My Phone Number.”

Season 7, Episode 4: “The One With Rachel’s Assistant”

When Rachel gets a promotion at Ralph Lauren, she also gets permission to hire her own assistant in the episode “The One with Rachel’s Assistant.” When she is forced to choose between Hilda and Tag, Rachel does an unprofessional thing and hires the latter instead. When Phoebe surprises Rachel at work and meets Tag, he tells her that she has a great name. In response, Phoebe flirts with Tag, stating, “Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.”

This hilarious line became immensely popular among fans, as evidenced by all the gifs and memes. It also suits her character perfectly since she said it confidently. Phoebe was never really one to doubt herself, and when she finds someone attractive, she has no problem making the first move. That is what she did here, although it wasn’t something that would work out for her, and that might be a good thing considering what people know about Tag now.

4 “They Don’t Know That We Know They Know We Know.”

Season 5, Episode 14: “The One Where Everybody Finds Out”

In what is considered one of the best Friends episodes ever, “The One Where Everybody Finds Out,” Phoebe finds out about Chandler and Monica when she sees them making out from across the street, so she and Rachel decide to mess with the happy couple. However, Monica and Chandler figure out what they’re trying to do and hatch their own plan. In the midst of the chaos is poor Joey, who wants to stop keeping everyone’s secrets since he is the one who knows everything.

Unfortunately for him, his friends have other plans because Phoebe believes it’ll be fun to try to mess with them further. In an episode packed with comedic lines and gags, this is easily one of the best Phoebe Buffay quotes, showing her excitement about being high-spirited and fun. The line is confusing, but she knows what she is talking about as she wants to continue the deception despite the original deception being spoiled.

3 “I Don’t Even Have A ‘Pla’.”

Season1, Episode 4: “The One With George Stephanopoulos”

In the season 1 episode “The One With George Stephanopoulos,” the three women throw a slumber party at Monica’s apartment, but Rachel makes everyone sad after having a horrible day. The girls do their best to cheer her up but soon end up in the same miserable mood as Rachel. Monica asks Phoebe if she has a plan for the future, to which she says something the viewers never forget: “I don’t even have a ‘pla-.”

The joke is that Phoebe not only has no plans for the future, but she doesn’t even have anything close to it, which is why the word “plan” is missing the last letter. It is a smart one-liner and one of the best Phoebe Buffay quotes for this reason. Make no mistake, their entire conversation is almost painfully relatable, which is why this episode is timeless. However, it is Phoebe’s hilarious zinger that ended up as a line that many fans quoted over and over again.

2 “I Wish I Could, But I Don’t Want To.”

Season 1, Episode 1: “The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate”

Coming up with excuses when someone really doesn’t want to do something isn’t always easy, and most people probably notice when a person is lying to get out of something. This is particularly seen in “The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate.” When Joey asks her if she wants to help them put together Ross’s new furniture, Phoebe simply says, “I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”

This is why most people should follow Phoebe’s example and be completely blunt about not wanting to do something. This Phoebe Buffay quote is a perfect example of why her bluntness works so well for her, and it helps people know that she would rather be honest than make up excuses. Why bother coming up with fake plans, previous commitments, and all that nonsense when a person can just channel their inner Phoebe? A person will likely respect someone more if they just tell the truth.

1 “Oh, No.”

Various Episodes

All six of the friends had a catchphrase or a running gag of a kind. Joey had “How you doin‘?” Rachel had her drawn-out “Noooo,” Monica had the high-pitched “I know!,” Chandler put awkward inflections on certain words, Ross had his low drawled “Hi” (as well as the infamous “We were on a break”), and Phoebe had the “Oh, no,” which she delivered in many different situations, some with the British drawl and some with a shocked tone to her voice.

When something bad or unfortunate happens, this is Phoebe’s standard-issue reaction. For example, she used the line when her car ran out of gas in “The One Without the Ski Trip” or when Monica discovered she had moved out in “The One with the Flashback.” She did it in shock, such as when Gary shot the bird in “The One with the Ball” and when there was a mix-up with the red sweaters in “The One With the Red Sweater.” It was the best Phoebe Buffay quote on Friends, thanks to its repeatability.